Chubby Girl in the Sexy Panties

Thank you to whoever it was who posted the picture of the curvy, plus sized woman in the sexy panties because you sparked a spiritual awakening in my heart.

I saw this woman while scrolling through Facebook, and I thought, “Dannggggg, girl!” Because she is everything I wish I was…confident, sexy, and sensuous. She looked amazing!

sexy
Sexy Panties!

But then I saw the comments (why do I always read the comments!?) and, of course, they were 90% negative.

 

People were saying things like, “She is disgusting” or “She shouldn’t wearing that.”

And would you be shocked if I told you that it was mainly WOMEN tearing apart this photo?

Yea…I didn’t think you would be that shocked.

But there were some men who had some awful things to say, too. People can be so mean.

Now, it’s no secret that I am NOT a skinny woman…and it’s also no secret that my husband loves the way I look.

I really wondered what he would think of this plus size model wearing these super sexy panties…so I showed him and I asked him to be completely honest about what he saw.

A smile crept up on his face.

I could just imagine what he was thinking, “Is this a trick? Why is she showing me this half-naked woman?!”

I urged him to be 100% honest about what he thought.

He said she was beautiful and “sexy as hell”…and then immediately wanted to know if I was buying those sexy panties for myself.

Which my immediate response was, “No!”

This experience and conversation with my husband lead me to do a little soul-searching.

Let me start at the beginning…

When I was 15 years old, I started dating my husband.

I had finally grown into myself for the most part, and I was starting to really look like a woman. I was tall, thin, had curvy hips and long blonde hair.

prom
Ben and I at prom…how cute!

Between the ages of 16 and 18 years old, Ben and I became very serious and we spent almost every single waking minute together. It was love! 

When we would go out, Ben would point out that different guys “checking me out.”

Some guys would follow me around to try to talk to me.

And even though Ben was with me on most occasions, guys would say things to me…sometimes these things were sweet & innocent (you’re cute!) but most of the time they were wildly inappropriate.

Some guys would try to smack my butt, and some guys actually did. Some guys would “accidentally” brush against my breasts.  😡😡

Maybe some girls like this attention…but it made me incredibly uncomfortable. stop

I didn’t want guys looking at me. I didn’t want anyone talking to me. I didn’t want to be called sexy, beautiful, cute…whatever.  I didn’t want it. I just wanted everyone to leave me alone.

I felt like I had so much more inside of me that was precious and wonderful, and I didn’t want to believe that my only worth was because I was “sexy.”

I had dark thoughts of what might happen in our big city if I were ever alone. I didn’t feel safe. I wanted to make myself as unnoticeable as possible.

I started putting on weight.

Subconsciously, I know that I was trying to protect myself from being noticed. Protect me from any harm.

The body is a great friend in that way, and I am so thankful that my body responded to those feelings. I will never condemn my body for trying to protect me. 

I stopped shopping for cute clothes, and I stopped wearing them, too.

Fast forward ten years, and I am 30 years old. I am happily married, and I have three gorgeous children…and I am still protecting myself.

I am 100% uncomfortable with shopping for myself. I don’t buy new clothes hardly EVER.

I have 5 pairs of the same pants.

I have 7-8 shirts that I wear on a regular rotation…ALL the same cut & style, just different colors.

I don’t wear anything that anyone could even possibly call “sexy.”

I don’t wear dresses, skirts, shorts…ever.

I know I am beautiful on the inside, but I need to feel beautiful on the outside too.

Now, let’s get back to the curvy woman in the sexy panties…

As I was talking with Ben about this, it was as if my higher-self took over my voice and said this:

“I don’t believe I am worthy of feeling sexy, beautiful, or gorgeous… and that is because I am not giving myself permission to be sexy. I have closed off that side of myself in order to protect myself from harm, but now I am safe. I am loved and cherished. I need to allow my inner goddess to shine if I want to move forward on my spiritual journey.”

Dang, the truth I needed to hear just came out of my OWN mouth.

Because yea, my higher self is SO RIGHT!!!

I would literally NEVER describe myself as sexy.

How sad is that?!

I mainly focus on my inner beauty…I am kind, I am full of love, I am generous, I am thoughtful, etc.

And while I am SOO proud of the person I have become on the inside, my higher-self is guiding me, and teaching me that it is so important for me to embrace not only the spiritual but the physical part of my life.

Wow, such a simple but powerful revelation!

So guess what guys?

I AM OFFICIALLY GIVING MYSELF PERMISSION! Woohoo!

I hereby give myself permission to wear cute, and even SEXY things, be proud of my body, and heck…even LOVE my body!

I cut my hair in a cute bob, which is a drastic change for me! shaunna

I ordered a few dresses online, and I cried because for so long I have admired women wearing beautiful dresses and I just didn’t think I could. I didn’t think my body was worthy.

Oh, and I ordered some sexy panties!!!!!!!!!!!!

I asked my husband to pick out some sexy things that he would like to see me in…

and he sent me about 5,000 links to the things he wants to buy… 😂😂😂

Finally, he is actually EXCITED that I am having a spiritual awakening. LOL😂

Alright guys, thanks for reading! I appreciate you for sticking around for the long haul! It was very healing for me to get this all out.

Sending you all peace & love! xoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Chubby Girl in the Sexy Panties

  1. You are absolutely amazing and beautiful. I used to feel the same way and then I woke up and thought “you don’t have to hide behind plain clothes”. I too had to become comfortable with who I am! You are on the right track my friend. I wish you love and luck on your journey! ❤️❤️❤️

    Like

  2. I showed my girls – the 11 and 9 year olds – and my husband a picture of you on FB last night and they all unanimously said how beautiful you are! But more than that, and we just met for which I’m very thankful – you are as beautiful on the inside as you are out!

    Like

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